HANDS CAN HEAL – A SPIRITUAL REFLECTION
Sit here right next to me. And don’t say a word. That’s all I want from you. No nothing more. Sit here right next to me. And don’t say a word. That’s all I want from you, all I want from you.
Hold my hand. Hold my hand. Hold my hand.
Lyrics from the song Hold My Hand, from the album Play Nice, Donora (2013)
On Monday of this past week I was doing my usual routine on the Elliptical machine and listened to this catchy song I had never heard before called Hold My Hand by the band Donora. For some reason, I started thinking about the things I do every day with my hands that I am sure at some level I take for granted – e.g., how I use them to touch and to hold various things; how I use my hands to write, to swim, ride my bike, to cook, and to drive the car. I thought about how I use my hands to emphasize a point I am trying to make in conversation or when I am making a presentation to an outside group. Then I looked at my own hands up close and thought about how dirty they get, especially when I am doing my gardening and landscaping work or those DIY projects I take on. I also noticed that my hands have developed deeper lines in them and have taken on a more weathered look as I’ve gotten older. As I finished my workout that morning, my thoughts turned to the elation I feel when someone I know waves their hand in friendship to me or comes over to just simply shake my hand.
Hands as Metaphor for Life
As my week progressed, I couldn’t get that song Hold My Hand out of my head – does that ever happen to you when you find your new favorite song? Anyway, my thoughts soon turned to some of the expressions we often use about our hands to describe situations we encounter in everyday life like:
Hold my hand…
On the other hand…
Let me see by a show of hands…
I gotta hand it to you…
It goes hand in hand with…
You need to be more hands-on…
You need to be hands-off…
I overplayed my hand with…
You overplayed your hand with…
Sorry, it’s out of my hands…
Things got out of hand…
Sorry, my hands are tied…
You’ve got to get your hands dirty…
Could you please lend me a hand…
Could you please lend a hand to…
The former financial analyst in me has been wondering how often I use these terms? Seriously though, in today’s techno-driven culture, we often hear even shorter phrases like hands-free and hand-held. What is it about the word hands? It seems to be everywhere and even plays a role in the advertising world where companies are always searching for that cool slogan that can enhance their brand awareness. I would venture to say that no other company has leveraged the term hands better than Allstate Insurance which coined the popular slogan The Good Hands People back in 1950 and continues to find new ways of using it in 2018. Here’s one of their early clips from back in the 1960s.
Hands in a Spiritual Context
As my week progressed into Wednesday, I started to think of my hands in more of a spiritual context after visiting my Mom at the assisted living facility she has lived in for the past 6 years. Mom just turned 90 in February but her overall health has deteriorated significantly during the past couple of years. She is the strongest person I have ever met in my life, a powerful testament to her faith and her remarkable resiliency. No matter what rock or obstacle may be in her pathway, Mom has always found a way to move the rock out of her way. However, those rocks have become a lot heavier of late as she suffers from acute mascular degeneration, a disease that keeps her from seeing all the beauty that she had always been able to appreciate. Mom also struggles with early stage dementia, becoming increasingly forgetful about things that we discussed 15 minutes earlier and often finds difficulty in articulating what her very active mind is telling her to say. Years of osteoporosis and broken bones have also made her susceptible to more frequent falls either from her chair or her walker leading to longer periods of rehabilitation, physical therapy, and greater frustration for losing her once cherished independence. And, like many of our older family members and friends, Mom is lonely and longs for conversation, for fellowship, and the human connection that we all crave in life and spends more time wondering what may lie ahead when her earthly journey is complete. She is clearly in a difficult place and one that is unlikely to change for the better.
But thankfully, our hands offer us the joyful hope for that deeper connection with those we love. You see this was a week where I realized there’s a lot more to our hands than the lyrics of a song or those expressions and phrases that help define our everyday life. I learned that our hands can be healing hands for someone we love and, in the process, help heal ourselves. I have been taking a program in Ignatian Spirituality at the Loyola Jesuit House in Morristown and it has been a fascinating experience, particularly the insights our study group shares with each other on the various scripture readings and meditation exercises. This past Wednesday evening, we did a meditation exercise on the healing power of the human hand. During the meditation, we were asked to imagine that we are sitting alone with God who takes our hand and begins to massage it the way a doctor or physical therapist might. Initially, I felt very uncomfortable because I know that no matter how thoroughly I may wash my hands, I know I don’t always remove the dirt or paint under my fingernails, particularly if I was doing work around the house that day. However, as the meditation exercise unfolds, I began to feel more comfortable. God then takes my other hand and holds it in a similar way. By the end of the mediation – about 15 minutes later – I found myself feeling quite peaceful and really at ease. Suddenly, all of the rocks and crosses I have been carrying began to feel much lighter. As the meditation exercise came to an end, we are told that God whispers to each of us “You see, I am always this close to you no matter how dirty your hands may be or how imperfect you think you are.”
Hearing those soothing words in the meditation exercise is a healthy reminder that God meets us wherever we are, not where we think He wants us to be. He doesn’t ask us questions about where we may have been; He holds no grudges; no apriori presumptions or judgements are held against us; and, He doesn’t care how many times we may have failed Him or the others that we love. Can you imagine that kind of unconditional love? As I finally pulled into my driveway on Wednesday evening, I thought of the incredible gift that is our precious hands — the hands that can heal someone we love just by holding their hand. When I saw my Mom the following day, we held each other’s hands and it not only helped her in that moment deal with her difficulties, but having her hold my hand helped me more than my words could ever describe. It was a powerful moment and one I will treasure.
So, what about your hands and the hands of all those who you know and depend on? Whose hand can you hold today? Can you and I hold someone’s hand with the same love that God holds our own hands no matter how dirty they may get or how many imperfections we think we must fix? Wow, our hands have the power to heal – what a blessing!
Wishing my colleagues and friends a very Happy Easter, Dr. K
Postscript — Two great books that address our human imperfections and I highly recommend for your consideration are:
The Gift of Imperfections by Brene Brown; and, Perfectly Yourself by Matthew Kelly
