“You know how it is: you’re twenty-one or twenty-two and you make some decisions; then whisssh! you’re seventy.”
A line spoken by the Stage Manager in the play, Our Town by Thornton Wilder (1938)
Every new year is an opportunity to self-assess where we made some progress in the year just ended and where we fell short. It’s a time-honored tradition and sets the stage for setting some new goals for the year ahead. I took a different approach this year looking back at some of my journal entries in the past and one goal that never seems to change from one year to the next is that I need to lose at least 10 lbs. My strong sense is that I am not alone in that regard but on a more serious note, I was really energized during this past Holiday season by the many visits my wife and I had with many family members as well as some very dear friends that we had not seen in awhile. In each of these wonderful encounters, I was reminded of just how strong and durable those emotional bonds can be, and which are never, ever forgotten having been richly cultivated over the years by countless expressions of love, support, and kindness.
This profound feeling of gratitude intensified when my wife and I experienced the recent Broadway revival of Our Town, Thornton Wilder’s iconic 20th-century American play on December 29th. I have fond memories of reading this play as a junior in Mr. Brennan’s English class at Paramus Catholic High School but I now have a much different and deeper appreciation of its meaning today having just turned 70 and especially in my capacity as a Bereavement and Grief Counselor helping clients navigate the challenges of losing a loved one.
What really hit home for me was that moment in the play’s final Act where the character Emily Webb has passed away all too early in her life as she was giving birth to her second child. There’s a highly emotional scene where Emily gets to see all the people in her life who have also passed away. As Emily begins to process her feelings for all of her loved ones — those like her who have passed as well as the many other people she has left behind — the Stage Manager gives Emily an opportunity to live one more day in her life and after thinking about it for awhile she decides to go back to her former life and relive her 12th birthday.
It’s a beautiful and emotionally moving scene as Emily soon realizes that everything that really mattered to her in her life was always right there in front of her in this fictional town called Grovers Corners, New Hampshire. In that one key scene, Emily mourns the life she has left behind, particularly the mundane, everyday moments that she didn’t fully appreciate while she was alive including moments with her family, friends, and the broader community that helped form the core values of who she was in this life.
Watching that scene play out on the stage and then coming back home and rereading this great American classic was the perfect Christmas and birthday gift I could ever ask for. All of us navigate many transitions in this life and it’s not always easy to leave behind those earlier periods, especially if we didn’t take the time to be present and to take in all of life’s beauty and human interactions. But as I turn 70, I find great comfort and inner peace knowing so many of the wonderful people who live in my own version of Our Town. Even though like Emily, I may not have always appreciated all the special moments in real time, I realize now more than ever that each relationship I cherish in this earthly life needs to be nurtured, watered, and carefully supported the way any good gardener would tend to his own garden and plants.
Thanks Our Town for reminding me that the true value of life lies in the small, interactions of everyday life and that being more aware of my own mortality can and should lead to a more fully lived life with an greater appreciation of each precious moment. I am feeling blessed for the life God has given me and the gift of my faith that my Mom and Dad instilled in me going way back to those early days of First Communion and Confirmation. I am super excited for the year ahead and whatever the Lord may have in his plan for me.
Wishing my family, friends, fellow parishioners, clients, and coaching colleagues the gift of God’s many blessings and joyful hopes for you and your families in the new year, Dr. K
