“𝑯𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒚𝒆𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆, 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒏.” 𝑵𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒚 𝑳𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒏, 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝑬𝒙𝒊𝒕
Job loss can often trigger a range of emotions that in many ways mirror what people feel when we are grieving the loss of a loved one. Like many people who have experienced job loss at some point in their career, I too battled a mix of intense emotions when I lost a job that I loved several years ago as the Head of a Research Department for a major Wall Street firm.
𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 — how could I let this happen?
𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞 — how could I embarrass my family?
𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 — often punctuated by repeatedly saying to myself “I’ll never find another job.”
𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐒𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 — hindering my ability to move forward in the way that I wanted to.
I’ve learned through that painful experience and as a Grief Educator that it’s important in any transition to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you are experiencing as a first step in the healing process. Denying your feelings only delays your ability to move through the transition from the “𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫” (𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐛) 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐭” (𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐣𝐨𝐛)
Give yourself the permission to release your feelings because there may be some things in your past before you even lost this job that need to be grieved and aired out as was the case in my own experience. As you navigate your emotions, be compassionate and kind to yourself because those feelings any of us experience in job transition are quite normal and part of the human experience in grieving any loss.
Two coaching exercises can be of enormous help in releasing the feelings associated with a job that has been lost:
𝗔 𝗝𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗘𝘅𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗲 where the client responds to several prompts like “𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆…”; “𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆…”; 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆…”; “𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆… “; “𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕…”; “𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆…”; The exercise helps the client to be heard where their feelings are validated, putting them in a stronger mindset for the job search campaign that lies ahead.
𝐀 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐉𝐨𝐛 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 where they write down their feelings about not having that job anymore. It can be a healthy way to say goodbye to a job, to acknowledge the role it played in their life to date, and a helpful step on the road to searching for new opportunities.
So how about for you? Have you experienced feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, or any other emotions when you lost your job? How did you work through those feelings in pursuing a new position?
